This time I'm not leaving without you
by dandelioness
Summary: Anna/Ruby college ish  AU, loosely based on the lyrics of Lady Gaga's "You and I." Anna has been away at college for 2 years when she comes home for a family emergency and reconnects with Ruby. Warnings: Silly, cheesy, casual use of ableist language.


_Now Entering Redemption, Nebraska_

_Population 5,206_

Anna had never understood why signs like that had such an exact population count on them. It wasn't like it changed to 5,207 as she rolled past the town border toward the village proper, or would change back again when she left two days from now. Besides, that sign had to be at least as old as she was; if anything, the population had shrunk in the past twenty years as people practically tripped over each other trying to get out of this godforsaken town.

She had been one of them. She had managed to get into NYU, and her grades had earned her enough of a scholarship that she could go, because her foster dad sure as hell wasn't paying. So she had packed her bags, stuffed them into the trunk of her rusty blue beetle, and drove to New York with the sounds of the pastor's shouting chasing her. That had been in August. Two years ago.

And then Gabe had called last week and begged her to come home, please, Zach had a heart attack. If she was hesitant at first – something about how she had been told that if she left now, don't expect to ever come back, young lady – her brother's tone of voice decided her in the end. Gabe didn't beg.

So here she was, pulling into the driveway of the tall, narrow house next to the church. The paint on the front porch was a little more chipped than the last time she had seen it, and the yellowing lawn hadn't been mown in a while, but otherwise it looked the same. She had always hated the way the slanting porch roof made it seem like the house was sternly judging her every time she left. She got enough of that from the people inside.

With a heavy sigh and a leaden feeling of dread pooling in her stomach, Anna grabbed her backpack off the seat beside her and stepped out of the car. She stood in front of the door for a full minute before letting herself in, the last conversation she had on this porch playing in her head. _– get out of this godforsaken town – don't take the Lord's name – he's not listening, Zach, it doesn't matter – if you leave now – I am, I am leaving – _

"I'm home," she called softly, hesitantly into the empty hall.

And who's idea was it to call this place Redemption, anyway?

"Give me a beer."

"It's four o'clock in the afternoon, Winchester. You wanna end up like your old man?"

"Ruby, shut the fuck up and get me a beer." The young man sitting at the bar ran a hand distractedly through his short, light brown hair, making it stand on end. He was wearing jeans and a jacket over his dark tee shirt in spite of the late summer heat and looked exhausted. "Besides, you know Dad's been sober three years now, which is why I'm drinking here instead of at the house. Beer."

"Touchy," Ruby snorted, grabbing a bottle from under the bar. "Just for that, I'm afraid I have to ask for ID." She smiled her sweetest smile (which still looked like she might eat you) and dangled the beer just out of Dean's reach.

"God, Ruby, why are you such a bitch?" Dean groaned, his futile swipe at the bottle only half-hearted. She rolled her eyes and handed it to him.

"Fine. But only because you look so sad and pathetic. I swear, you almost channeled Sam there for a minute." Dean flipped her the bird and took a swallow of beer. "What are you doing here, anyway? I heard you and Milton were staying in Lawrence for good."

"Don't be nosy."

"I could always call Ellen out from the back, make her get it out of you. I think she owes you a few slaps upside the head for being gone so long anyway, you know. While I'm at it, Jo should be over soon…"

"Now that's just cruel," but he almost smiled, which was as close to friendly as she ever got with Dean Winchester. "Zachariah had a heart attack," he said finally.

"I know. Everyone knows. That's how things work around here, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Cas wanted to come back and, I don't know, make amends or whatever. I'm just here to see Sammy. And for moral support, I guess."

"Well aren't you two just precious," mocked Ruby, her voice practically dripping with disdain. Dean glared and opened his mouth to spout some stupid retort, but before he could speak, something vaguely resembling the great North American moose came crashing through the Roadhouse door.

"I got in!" it shouted, waving long, gangly arms above its head. One hand clutched a battered large white envelope bearing the seal of Stanford University. "Oh, hey Dean. Thought you wouldn't be here til tonight?"

"Sammy!" Dean grinned as he stood and walked over to his little brother. Although, Ruby thought idly as she watched the bow-legged older boy wrap his arms around Sam in a bear hug, maybe little wasn't exactly the right word for Sam anymore. Dean was apparently thinking the same thing. "Jesus, Sammy, what is Dad feeding you? You're such a fucking Sasquatch. And you need a damn haircut." He ruffled the brown mop on Sam's head affectionately, and Sam shook him off in mock irritation.

"It's not my fault you're a midget. Anyway, didn't you hear me? I got in! To Stanford!"

"What? It's only August."

"I applied early decision. And I got in! With a scholarship! And it says if I keep my grades up this year, I could qualify for more scholarships!"

"Nice job, Sammy! Wait, if you didn't know I was home yet, why are you here?" Dean turned and glared suspiciously at Ruby, who just gave him another roll of her eyes for his trouble.

"Relax, Winchester. He's always over here hanging out with Ash and Jo and giving Ellen puppy dog eyes until she feeds him. She'll probably give you extra for getting into college, kid," she said, turning to Sam. "Congrats."

"What's this I hear about college?" came a voice from behind Ruby, and (speak of the devil) Ellen Harvelle emerged from the back room.

"Sammy here got into Stanford," Dean said proudly as both boys sat back down at the bar.

"Nice one, kid," Ellen's voice was warm with affection and she hugged Sam one-armed over the counter, glaring over his head at his brother. "Don't think you're getting away from me, Dean, I haven't seen you since Christmas. You ever hear of a telephone?"

"Sorry, ma'am," Dean bowed his head in actual chagrin, a reaction that very few people could evoke from him, including his own kin. As Ellen started interrogating Sam about scholarships and majors and shit, Ruby found herself staring and frowning contemplatively at Dean.

"What are you staring at?"

"I thought Michael and Cas weren't talking?" Dean frowned back at her.

"They're not. This is gonna be hella awkward; why do you think I need a beer at four in the afternoon?"

"And he's definitely not talking to the old man himself. So who told him to come home?"

"Gabe called. Why the hell do you care?"

"Nosy," Ruby shrugged. "And given the shit the Milton clan has caused, I think we all deserve fair warning. Good thing Anna's not rolling into town, too, or I'd lock myself in Singer's bomb shelter." She snorted and grabbed a rag from the sink to clean the counter one more time before folks started coming in for dinner, but Dean just gave her a funny look.

"Anna is coming back. Cas said she was driving in from New York today, she's probably here already." Ruby froze.

"Oh," she managed.

"Dean, why didn't you tell us you were coming back, you asshat?" demanded the tall blonde who appeared seemingly out of nowhere to smack the elder Winchester upside the head.

"_Language_, Joanna Beth," warned Ellen, and things devolved from there. Soon the Winchester and Harvelle clans were swapping news and stories, and Ruby was left, still standing still at the counter, bar rag clutched in her hand.

"Oh."

Pastor Zachariah Milton was generally agreed to be a good, generous soul. He was the head of Redemption's most popular church, one that had existed since the town's foundation somewhere back in the nineteenth century. He gave good, fiery sermons and volunteered and did good Christian-y shit.

He was also, as Ruby had told him to his face on one memorable occasion, a crazy-ass mean-spirited motherfucking douchebag.

Sometime around his fortieth birthday, the old bachelor decided that he could do greater good by having a bunch of children. Since he couldn't do that on his own, he adopted a whole bunch of foster kids in the space of a couple of years. First were Michael and Gabriel, then Anael and Castiel. He said that he chose only children who had been given the names of angels because it was a sign from God or something, but that was probably bullshit. Michael and Gabriel, maybe, but Anna had always refused to answer to Anael and there were rumors that Cas had been called Jimmy once upon another life. In all likelihood, Milton had adopted them and then stuck them with the most obscure angel names he could think of to make up for their normal ones.

The pastor raised the kids in a strict and super-religious environment, but it didn't seem to take very well. Michael was the exception rather than the rule, in that he grew up straight and solemn and obedient and devout, and went away to seminary when he graduated high school. Word was that he was now a missionary delivering the word of God to heathens in some tropical country (Ruby didn't even know that was still a thing, and often hoped he caught something lethal while he was there). Gabriel didn't seem to care much for religion, or anything else, really. He was a relentless prankster and irritating as hell to be around, but overall a decent guy, in a pinch. He had left home to go to some East Coast school and now had some (slightly sketchy) sales job that had him flying all over the world. Michael could barely stand him and Zachariah was constantly furious with him, but it was Gabriel who held the family together. He was the only one still on speaking terms with the entire family.

Because, see, Cas and Anna had gone wrong somewhere along the way. Anna, almost a year younger than Cas but totally the protective big sister type, had always been a free spirit. She just wasn't made for a house where she wasn't allowed to read certain books or talk to certain people or paint at all. And Cas, well. Cas was a good kid, if quiet and almost creepily socially inept. He was good and kept his head down and got along fine, and if he was never Michael's competition for the spot of favorite, he at least wasn't Gabriel or Anna.

Until, about halfway through his senior year of high school, he told the pastor that he was gay and the tyrant had kicked him out and cut him off, but not before screaming at him about sin and God's plan. Out in the street, where the whole town could hear, as Cas stood there in his stupid oversize trench coat with his head hung and two bags of clothes on the ground beside him. Dean Winchester had come running from around the corner and put his arm around his (previously secret) boyfriend and shouted right back at him until Ellen Harvelle came on the scene and shut them both up. She took Cas home (but not before throwing some choice phrases at Zachariah herself, about needing to understand what love meant before he went preaching about it, and he could take his brand of Christianity and shove it where the sun don't shine) and put him up until he and Dean went off to college in Lawrence.

John Winchester didn't take the news much better, but he was drunk in those days, and he at least didn't kick Dean out. All anyone knew was that there had been the biggest Winchester shouting match in memory (and that was saying something) and next thing, John was in a twelve-step program. He handled the fact that his son had a boyfriend much better sober. In fact, over the last three years, it turned out he handled pretty much everything better sober. Who'da thunk.

Drunk, however, John Winchester could give Zachariah Milton a run for his money concerning shittiest parental figure ever, and both sets of kids had daddy issues coming out their asses. So it made sense for first Anna and then Cas to end up in the arms (and bed) of the elder Winchester boy. What didn't make sense was that, in that last summer, two years back, Anna had found her way to Ruby's arms and bed.

And the scene with the shouting in front of the pastor's house had repeated itself in brief a year and a half after the first one, the day Anna left for college and told him that she was bi and that she was never coming back.

But now she was. And try as she might, Ruby couldn't not care.

When Anna realized there was no one home (Gabe was a dumbass, leaving the door unlocked like that), she went upstairs to throw her bag on the floor of her old bedroom (which seemed to have been turned into some kind of nightmarish greenhouse of viney houseplants and religious paraphernalia). She got back in her car and drove back out of town to the hospital, a solid half hour away. After interrogating a rushed and irritable nurse's aid, she managed to get Zach's room number and headed upstairs. There was a sort of waiting room in front of a nurse's station and a long hallway of identical rooms, and she quickly spotted her little brother (as she insisted on thinking of him) slouched in one of those chairs. He looked exhausted, his face in his hands.

"Cas, are you ever gonna get rid of that coat? It's a bit heavy for summer, anyway, don't you think?" He looked up at her and smiled. Well, not really, but smiled for Castiel, which basically meant that his mouth twitched up just a bit at the corners and his eyes lit up. He stood up and gave her a warm hug.

"It's a…security thing. The coat," he explained, and he voice was even deeper and more gravelly than usual, meaning he probably hadn't slept. _Dammit, Zachariah._ "It's good to see you, Anna. It's been a while."

"Yeah, it has. Sorry I couldn't make it down to help you guys with the big move, finals week was hellish this year."

"It's fine. Sam and John came down, as did the Harvelles, so we had plenty of help." They lapsed into silence for a minute, and Castiel gestured at the chairs. They sat. After a while, Anna spoke again, softly.

"Have you been in to see him?" Cas shook his head.

"He won't let me. I tried, but…he started to – the nurse said I was getting him 'too worked up' – and the monitor was making some alarming noises, so they made me leave. Gabriel is in there now. I believe he is trying to convince him we are worth seeing."

"Dammit," she sighed. "Well, if he's capable of being pissed at us, he's probably healthy enough that he'll survive this. Tough old bastard." There wasn't even an ounce of affection in her voice. Castiel looked at her a little reproachfully, but didn't say anything about it. Instead, he changed the subject. Sort of.

"Michael has called several times. It seems he will not be able to make the trip to visit Zachariah, but wants to check in periodically to be updated on his condition." He paused and looked at the floor. "He also refused to speak to me, although according to Gabriel, he at least approves of us being here. Showing gratitude, or something of that sort."

"Dammit, Cas," Anna said again, and leaned over to rest her head on her brother's shoulder. "Why'd we even bother coming back? I never wanted to."

"Because it is the right thing to do," he replied softly, and she could hear that desperate, stupid hope in his voice that she hated. Hope that maybe, if they were good enough, or kind enough, or grateful enough, Zachariah and Michael might still come around; maybe they would let them back in. She hated it because it was never going to happen, and she hated that Cas was only going to be disappointed; and she hated that she couldn't have that sort of hope, as hard as she tried.

"Can we talk about something else? Just for a little while."

"Of course. Ah – are you still seeing that woman you told me about in May?" God, it had been forever since she and Cas had talked, clearly.

"Bela?" she asked, sitting up again. "No, I dumped her like two weeks after that."

"I'm sorry things didn't work out."

"Don't be. She may have been a crazy bitch, but she wasn't my personal flavor of crazy bitch." She paused. "Also, I think she was probably involved with the mob." Cas was looking at her, frowning just a little, as though he were trying to figure something out. She frowned right back, but before she could ask, realization dawned on his face.

"You mean, she wasn't Ruby?" Anna blinked. "Ruby being your, ah, flavor of crazy bitch." He smiled. She sighed.

"Yeah, I guess that is pretty much what I meant." Silence again.

"Will you see her? While we're in town?"

"I don't know." She ran a hand through her hair (a habit they shared, though Castiel's hair was always tousled because of it, and Anna's just fell into place) and looked searchingly at her brother. "I mean, we haven't talked in two years, I'm not sure she'd even want to see me. She's probably got a – a life, you know? And, and it was just after high school, we were kids." She paused, biting her lip, and spoke more softly. "Is it stupid? That I still miss her?"

Cas did that weird little head-tilt thing of his, like a bird, and just stared back for a minute. "Dean and I have been together for four years now," he said finally. "Since the summer before our senior year of high school. We were, as you say, just kids. But I know that if Dean had stayed, when I left for Lawrence? I would still miss him."

Anna started to smile and thank him, but they were saved from gross sentimentalism by the entrance of a rather short man, clutching a candy bar and looking altogether too happy to be allowed in a hospital. His foolish grin grew even broader at the sight of Anna.

"Annie! Welcome to the party, so glad you could make it." He dragged Anna out of her seat and wrapped her in a quick, tight hug before holding her out in front of him like he was inspecting her. "You're too thin," he decided, and shoved the candy bar into her hand before she could protest. "Eat. It's good for you."

"Good to see you, too, Gabe," she said, smiling in spite of herself. People usually found his good humor contagious, with a few exceptions, notably, Zachariah, Michael, and Dean Winchester. Even Castiel had been known to smile in his presence. "And of course I'm thin. I'm an art student living in New York City; we're required to look like we're starving, or no one will buy our work."

"Fair point, little sis. And hey, maybe I can work the whole waif thing for you, convince Zach you're a charity case and should be allowed into his damn hospital room."

"Still no luck on that front, then, I take it?" Anna asked, raising her eyebrows. She wasn't surprised, and she wasn't even sure what she would say if Zachariah did let her see him, but she had come all the way from New York, so…

"None whatsoever," Gabe said cheerily.

"Why'd I even come?" she groaned, but mostly for show. If nothing else, it was good to see Gabe and Cas; it had been far too long.

"Come now, that's just the hunger talking! Let's let the old man ruminate for a while and get some grub at the Roadhouse. We can try again here tomorrow." He slung an arm around Anna's shoulders and looked down at their quieter brother. "Cas? You coming with, little bro?"

"Should…shouldn't one of us stay here, in case…in case he needs anything?" But he stood up, hesitantly, all the same.

"Nah, the docs have my number if they need me. You can't do him any good if he won't even talk to you, and I think he's sick of company at this point anyway. Kicked me out, too. Said I was stressing him out. I cannot fathom how." Gabriel's eyes widened in mock innocence, and Anna punched him lightly in the gut. "Come on, I could use me some delicious Harvelle pie. If your chubby little boyfriend hasn't eaten them all already."

And the three set off, as if no time and distance had been lost between them, Cas lagging slightly behind and muttering about how Dean was _not_ chubby.

By six, what passed for the dinner rush at the Roadhouse was in full swing. Jo stalked between tables, acting like a total grouch and getting tipped extra for it; Ellen was yelling at Ash for another fire Dr. Badass had somehow started in the kitchen at the most inopportune moment; and Ruby sauntered around behind the bar, getting drinks and mock-flirting outrageously with anyone who would put up with her. The Winchester boys were still there, in a corner table now with their father, and people kept going over to talk to them; congratulate Sam on Stanford, ask Dean how Lawrence was treating him.

Ruby was haranguing a progressively more belligerent Bobby Singer about exactly what drinks he needed for the Winchester table again? because he didn't really care, he was only up at the counter trying to talk to Ellen. She hardly noticed the door swinging open until she heard a vaguely familiar and incredibly irritating voice call out.

"Milton, party of three!"

For the second time that day, Ruby found herself frozen at the bar. She was staring at the newcomers like her life depended on it; she barely heard as Bobby tried to regain her attention before rolling his eyes and leaving, mumbling something about "damned idjits." Gabriel had been stopped halfway to the bar by a combination of Jo and Ash, who had apparently been relieved of his cooking duties for the rest of the night; Castiel made a slightly desperate beeline for the Winchester corner; and Anna – Anna headed straight toward Ruby.

At the counter, Anna just stood there awkwardly for a moment, and then let that stupid, slow smile she had just light up her face. Ruby was helpless to do anything but smile back.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself. Heard you were back in town, but wasn't sure I believed it. Long time no see."

"Yeah. It's…it's been a while." Her smile faltered, just a bit.

"You look good," Ruby said softly, and she did. She was still thin as a rail, but she had filled out a bit since high school, no longer looked like Zachariah was starving her. Her coppery hair had gotten redder and now fell halfway down her back in shampoo-commercial waves. Her enormous hazel eyes seemed to be searching for something in Ruby's face when she spoke.

"You too." They kept staring for what seemed like forever, until Ruby felt like it was becoming a scene out of Dean and Cas's early days of courtship, when she and Anna used to take bets on who would blink first and how long it would take him to do it. Ruby cleared her throat and slipped back into her comfort zone of Bitchy Bartender Extraordinaire.

"So what can I get for you, Milton? Shall I mix you some high-class fancy-ass New York drink?" The sudden switch startled a laugh out of Anna.

"A root beer will be fine. Still not legal, remember? Besides, I'm not sure I want to know what kind of toxic concoction you'd cook up in an attempt at a fancy drink."

"Hey, watch it, I am an excellent bartender." Ruby grinned and stuck an accusatory finger in Anna's face as she got a bottle out and passed it across the counter. Their fingers brushed as it passed between them, and the contact lasted just a second longer than necessary; Ruby hated herself for taking her hand away, and hated herself for not wanting to. This was going well.

"How's the family reunion going? If it's okay for me to ask?" Anna blinked.

"Of course you can ask. It's…well, I mean, what can you expect, you know?" She laughed bitterly, and Ruby hated Pastor Milton with every bone in her body.

"Cas seemed pretty shaken up when you guys first walked in."

"Oh, no," and the smile became genuine. "We haven't even seen Zach yet. The old bastard won't let us into his hospital room. Shit, he even kicked Gabe out just for talking about us after a while. When we came in, that was just because we'd all just spent thirty minutes in the same car, and poor Cas can't take that much time crammed into a small place with Gabe. His nerves were shot by the time we got here."

"Oh, well, that, I can understand," Ruby said with a roll of her eyes and a nod to where Gabriel was entertaining a small group with some (probably horrifically inappropriate) story. "No offense, but your brother's a pain in the ass."

"Better than Michael," she said glumly. "At least Gabe sticks around to be a pain in the ass."

"Yeah, well, screw Michael," Ruby said angrily. She wasn't gonna let this conversation get eaten by the douchebag Miltons, not when they'd already ruined so much. "He's not in town to fuck things up this time, is he?"

"No, he's stuck somewhere in the jungles of South America. Thank God."

"So screw him. Look, you're home. You've got your two decent brothers, even if one of them is socially retarded and the other is annoying as hell."

"I wish you wouldn't use words like that," Anna frowned. "I thought I broke you of the habit."

"You did. And then you left." Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit, this was not how it was supposed to go. Flirty Bitchy Bartender Mode, something. "Maybe now you're back for a couple days we can try again."

"I'd like that," and Anna's face softened into that stupid slow smile that she had missed so much, and were they still talking about her dropping the word "retarded" (she knew she shouldn't, it just happened sometimes, without Anna around to correct her) or what because Anna was looking at her like –

Thankfully, she was saved from figuring out exactly what Anna looked like by Ellen shouting at her to pay attention to other folks, for God's sake, she was paying her to flirt with all the customers, not just the one. She rolled her eyes at Anna and then whisked herself blissfully, regretfully, away.

Anna left the Roadhouse around nine to bring a gloriously inebriated Gabriel home before Ellen stopped being amused and threw him out. Cas said he would go home with Dean; the Winchesters' house was just more comfortable for him to sleep in. It didn't hold so many bad memories.

Sometime near midnight, when Gabe was settled, Anna was lying under an old blanket on the floor of the greenhouse room and she couldn't sleep. With an aggravated sigh, she pushed off the blanket, slipped back into her jeans and heels, and down the stairs and out of the house. She'd go for a drive, like she did sometimes at school to clear her mind. Before she got to the highway, though, she found herself pulling into the nearly empty Roadhouse parking lot.

She stepped hesitantly through the door, past the "CLOSED" sign, the clack of her heels echoing unnaturally in the empty space. A surprised Ruby looked up from where she was wiping down a table, her thick dark hair falling out of its ponytail and into her face. She just stared blankly for a second, and then went back to her work.

"Hate to break it to you, babe, but this city sleeps, especially on weeknights. We closed at midnight." There was something strained in her voice that Anna couldn't place, but it was a definite barrier between them, and she wanted it gone.

"I know, I just…I needed to get out of that house, and I thought – I need to go for a drive." Ruby looked up again, expression unreadable, and Anna said the last bit in a rush. "And I was wondering if you wanted to come with me." Anna bit her lip, but didn't look away, as Ruby's gaze intensified. Finally, she nodded.

"Go sit down, somewhere out of the way. I just gotta finish washing up. Ellen and Jo went home as soon as we closed, they were exhausted." Anna relaxed and did as she was told, sinking into a chair in the corner to watch Ruby work. The brunette moved quickly and efficiently, for someone who had been on her feet all day. Her eyes would catch on the sway of Ruby's hips in her skinny jeans, or the way her boots clunked on the floor when she moved between tables like she owned the place (that confidence was something she had always loved about Ruby).

Finally, at quarter to one, she tossed down her rag and grabbed her leather jacket from behind the counter; she sauntered over to the corner where Anna sat and, standing just a little too close, offered her a hand up. In her heels, Anna stood several inches taller, so Ruby had to look up at her. Their faces were too close, Ruby's warm brown eyes smiling into her own, hands still clasped, and Anna almost couldn't breathe.

"We're taking the Camero," Ruby said, breaking the tension.

"There's nothing wrong with the Bug," Anna replied petulantly, but it was mostly out of habit. There was plenty wrong with the Bug, and besides, midnight drives were always taken in the Camero. That's just the way things were. Ruby rolled her eyes and pulled Anna out into the parking lot, only letting go of her hand when she had to lock up the bar. Anna smiled when she saw Ruby's car, looking exactly the same as when she had last seen it: a hideous orange muscle car out of the late sixties, some businessman's midlife crisis that looked like it had been stolen from Bobby Singer's junkyard. "Your car's still a piece of shit, Rube," she said with a laugh.

"Fuck off," Ruby retorted with a good-natured grin. They didn't speak again, even when they were well out of town, on the highway, rolling through darkened fields. In the light of the high beams, the corn looked as colorless as the pavement they sped over. They had to be going at least twenty miles an hour over the speed limit, but it felt so good. For a while, she was able to forget school and Michael and Zachariah, everything of the past two years. It was just her and Ruby and midnight drives again.

About an hour out, she pointed wordlessly to a familiar dirt road that veered off the highway. Barely braking, Ruby swung onto it and let the car coast to a stop in the middle of a field gone to seed, filled with waist-high grasses, a few stray wheat and corn plants, and the occasional gangling sapling. Somewhere in the field were the ruins of an old barn. It was all part of a farm that had been abandoned when the ownership of this particular segment had been disputed; the case had been tied up in court for years, and local opinion was that it would stay that way forever. They had come here at least three times a week that summer, whenever the weather was clear. Killing the engine, Ruby turned to Anna and raised her eyebrows in a question; Anna just nodded, and they got out of the car.

They crawled up onto the hood of the car, the warm metal ticking as it cooled, and lay back against the windshield to face the sky. There was no moon tonight, so the stars stood out especially bright against the black velvet backdrop of two in the morning. Here, far from civilization, there was only the sound of the wind and the crickets and their own breathing. Without thinking, Anna reached over and took Ruby's hand in her own and squeezed lightly.

God, she had missed this.

_They had barely talked at all in high school, mostly casual (and generally flirtatious, on Ruby's end at least) bickering in class or the cafeteria. But after graduation, when that weird sense of camaraderie set in – mostly the result of knowing you'll hopefully never see most of these kids again – things changed._

_It started when Anna showed up at the Roadhouse, asking Ellen if she knew anything about bus schedules, because she didn't know who else to ask. She needed to get to the book store that was a twenty minute drive away to get a book for her freshman summer reading assignment, but had ended up fighting with Zachariah over school instead, and he took her car keys away. And she was desperate because she had a paper due on it in just a few weeks, and Zach refused to even acknowledge that she was going away to school, because after Cas, no way was she leaving, not when she already fought against him so much._

_Ruby had overheard the conversation and casually offered her a ride into town. Anna, surprised, accepted. Somehow, they never ran out of things to talk about, even without falling into their familiar patterns of teasing. Ruby told her about how she and her sister Lily had gotten an apartment after their parents died, and how had Lily basically raised her for the last ten years. In turn, Anna told her about how she wore her ever-present high heels because they made her feel older and more powerful, like she was capable of taking Zach on. They ended up staying in town and getting lunch and just walking around. Later, Ruby took her by Bobby's salvage yard, and the two of them taught her how to hotwire a car, in case she ever needed a way out and didn't have her keys. Anna didn't even think to ask why Ruby knew how to do that._

_And maybe after that she just showed up at the Roadhouse more, especially on the afternoons she knew Ruby would be working, and things just clicked. And one night, after a particularly vicious fight with Zachariah, Anna turned up with tear stains on her face and a car that she'd had to hot-wire, and Ruby had taken one look and told Ellen she was taking off early. She took Anna's hand, dragged her outside and stuffed her in the Camero, and they drove until they came to the spot in the middle of the field that became a regular hideaway for them. And they had sat and watched the stars and Anna had cried into Ruby's shoulder and Ruby had told crude jokes until she started smiling again._

_And maybe after that they were almost inseparable. Anna became addicted to Ruby's tight jeans and loud laugh; to her tall boots and mischievous grin; to her stupid ugly car and her obnoxious rock music that she blasted at top volume with all the windows down just to piss off pedestrians. She took to hanging out in the apartment above the Roadhouse where Ruby and Lily lived whenever she could. She found out that Ruby could play guitar, and loved listening to her bang out classic rock tunes on her acoustic. She even got Ruby to give her a few lessons; by the end of the summer, she could play three whole chords. They constantly drove out to their field just to watch the stars and listen to the silence._

_One night, about halfway through July, Ruby stole one of Lily's bottles of whiskey and they each had some, feeling reckless and daring. They didn't have a lot, because neither much cared for the taste at first, but it was enough to maybe knock through the last of the walls between them, because halfway through laughing at something silly Anna had said, Ruby leaned over and kissed her. Her lips were soft and tasted like the whiskey, but Anna didn't mind, and she pulled her closer and they tumbled backward, kissing and laughing, onto Ruby's bed._

_And maybe after that they spent every waking moment in each other's company, laughing and driving and exploring each other's bodies. Ruby was the first woman Anna had been with, and it was so much better than she ever knew it could be. One night, they fell asleep together on Ruby's couch, and were still there the next morning when Lily walked in to find them naked and tangled up in each other's limbs. Anna had scrambled to find clothes, but Lily just rolled her eyes and told them to put a sock on the door next time or something._

_Anna's eighteenth birthday arrived the first week of August, and they celebrated in Ruby's apartment with the remains of the whiskey, which Ruby said she liked better the second time around. As a present, Ruby had prepared Neil Young's "Heart of Gold" on her guitar, because she knew Anna liked that folky shit instead of good, solid music. In Anna's memory, she played it perfectly, even though she was humming some of the lyrics, and was a little drunk and a lot naked._

_It was a perfect summer after a shitty year where Anna had been left alone in the house with Zachariah. Ruby was everything home wasn't, and she was wonderful. They never talked about their relationship, or what it was, or talked like it would last beyond the summer, which was fine until late August and Anna had to leave._

_They agreed not to keep in touch, because Anna wouldn't be back, not even for vacations, so what was the point? There were no tearful farewells, just a final kiss goodbye, and Anna went home to pack her things, tell Zachariah she was at least half as gay as Cas, get into the car, and leave._

_And maybe Anna cried herself to sleep that first night in New York, partly because it was so cold and crowded and strange, but mostly because she couldn't see the stars._

"I still do this, you know," Ruby said quietly after a while. "I drove out here before you, and I kept coming after, but it was never the same again."

"At school, I drive like this. There's no stars in the city, and sometimes, I just need to get away, so I get in the Bug and I drive upstate until I can at least see Orion again." Anna's voice was equally soft. They had so rarely talked out here, the place they came for silence, that it felt strange to speak into the cricket noises. "But you're right, it's not the same."

"I missed you," Ruby admitted, hesitantly, like she was afraid she was saying something forbidden. She turned to face Anna. "I still miss you. I just…you're not who you were, anymore, with college and the city and everything. I feel like you're half a stranger, and I miss you."

"I'm not. I'm still me, I promise." It showed in her voice how desperately she wanted for Ruby to believe her, maybe because she wanted to believe it herself. Those dark eyes, so much more serious than usual, looked into her own, and finally Ruby squeezed her hand.

"So tell me. Everything." And Anna did. She talked about classes and majors – she was doing English literature with a minor in visual arts – and how she had no idea what she was going to do when she graduated, which was starting to worry her because junior year started in a week. She talked about her roommates and their shitty studio apartment they could barely afford, and how she worked part-time at the school bookstore during the year and waitressed full-time in the summer, which was a great job because she got to take home extra food at the end of the night, so there was always something to eat even when they couldn't buy groceries. She talked about her pathetic experiment with theatre, as a member of the chorus in _Antigone_, and about being secretary for the Queer Student Union. She talked about the night she drove all the way to Lake Ontario, ran out of gas, and painted the beach three times in one day and begged some gas off a group of campers to get home, but not before watching the sun set on the lake. Ruby still laughed at all the right places, and listened like she cared about nothing else in the world, and when Anna's throat started to hurt from all the time she'd been closing up, she asked Ruby for the same.

And Ruby told her about going from waitressing to bartending full-time at the Roadhouse, and sometimes helping out Bobby at the yard on weekends, because he needed the extra hand with Dean gone, even if he thought Ruby was crazy. She told her about going clubbing with Meg in the nearest city only to discover that assholes were just as annoying when they were trying to buy you a drink as when you were mixing it for them. She told her about Lily's job making her travel more and more, until Ruby practically had the little apartment to herself. She told her about how she was sometimes scared that she would eventually be the only person left in Redemption, because all the young people left, and soon the older ones would start dying. She talked about spending a lot of time with her ugly orange car, because Jo and them were great, but they were kids, you know? and Meg was a crazy bitch, even by Ruby's standards.

So maybe they didn't have any more in common than they did two years ago; maybe they had less. But as the sun rose on them still lying on the hood, now both curled under Ruby's leather jacket to ward off the dewy summer chill, they felt as close as they had ever been; maybe closer. It was somehow much more intimate, huddled close and holding hands and just talking, than it had ever been when they had pretended their was nothing more between them than sex and good company.

It was almost seven in the morning by the time Ruby got Anna back to her car at the Roadhouse. Anna gave her a quick hug goodbye, but Ruby's hand lingered on her shoulder. After hesitating for a split second, she stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to the corner of Anna's mouth and stepped away, leaving a light, reddish imprint there. Anna smiled slowly, and Ruby just grinned and shook her head.

"What?"

"It's nothing. I just…I missed the look of my lipstick on your face."

"That is the most grossly sentimental thing you have ever said to me," Anna laughed. Ruby's grin widened.

"Yep. Never again." And, with a wave, she sauntered off to the back door of the building, which led to her little upstairs apartment. Anna watched her until she was inside, and then, shaking her head, drove back to the old house to get some rest before having to deal with her family again in the morning.

The next afternoon was a repeat of the day before, featuring Anna and Castiel sitting quietly in uncomfortable plastic chairs, surrounded by the bustling and beeping of the hospital. Occasionally, Gabriel would wander from Zachariah's room to make a vending machine run (Anna swore he lived solely off of chocolate, now that he was on his own without her and Cas around to make him eat his vegetables). The pastor still refused to see them. As the hours wore on, Anna grew more and more agitated, tapping her heel impatiently against the ground. Her brother, on the other hand, grew quieter, more still, much like he had been in high school. Around three, Dean came by to see how Cas was doing, and Anna left to get a cup of water so they could talk. She watched from across the waiting room as the boys had one of their trademark staring contests (she and Ruby used to tease them about that so bad). Finally, Cas just leaned over and put his head on Dean's shoulder, looking completely worn out, and Dean wrapped an arm around him. When Anna made her way back over, Dean told her that he was going to bring Cas home, this bullshit was wearing him out. Castiel pulled Anna aside for a moment before they left.

"Everything okay, Cas?"

"Yes, I'm just…I need to go, now, I think. Gabriel can reach me if Zachariah – if he changes his mind at all. I was just wondering about you, actually."

"What about me?" Anna asked, surprised.

"Gabriel said you were out all night. And you look…irritated. Did something happen – ?" Of course, trust Gabriel to somehow find out and tattle.

"Nothing happened. I mean, I couldn't sleep, so I went for a drive."

"With Ruby?"

"Yeah." She shrugged her shoulders quickly, like she was trying to shake something off. Her little brother was staring at her intently, head at bird-tilt. "I know you don't like her, Cas, but she's a great person, really, I – "

"I don't dislike Ruby," he interrupted, sounding surprised. "If she makes you happy, that is recommendation enough for me. It is Dean who does not seem to enjoy her company overmuch."

"No, they really can't stand each other. I don't even really know why." She smiled, just a bit, but Castiel just frowned.

"Just…be careful, Anna. You have to be back at school soon, remember. I don't want to see you hurt." Anna's face fell, but her defensiveness softened at her brother's expression. If it was anyone else, she would have told them to mind their own business, but this was Cas, and he brought out the best in her, always. She sighed.

"I'll be okay, Cas. I promise. I know what I'm doing this time around." He looked at her for a long moment before nodding his consent and turning away towards his boyfriend. Anna watched them leave, Dean's arm around Cas's shoulder, their steps in sync, and she ached for the sheer familiarity and domesticity of that kind of relationship. Not her stupid flings with Bela and the boys like her, not the quick and casual summer with Ruby; she wanted something good, something…permanent.

And she wanted out of this town. She wasn't sure how the two ideas were connected, except for some vague sense of moving on, but she knew she wanted out. Out of sight of the old church and the house next door; out from under the thumb of Zachariah and out of the shadow of his memory. When she left this time, she really wasn't going to come back. Not for Gabriel, not even for Castiel, and certainly not for Zachariah.

Without thinking, she found herself walking towards the room number the nurse had given her yesterday. She strode in, standing tall, heels click-clacking determinedly on the tile, past a startled Gabriel (who just stood there, mouth open, bits of half-eaten chocolate on his tongue) and only stopped when she got to the bedside. The man in the bed was thinner than she remembered, smaller somehow in his hospital gown than he had ever seemed in his crisp business suits. He had aged more than the two years that had passed since she had last seen him, his face lined deeply with unhappiness. There were all sorts of tubes attached to his arm, and an oxygen tube running across his face. The beeping of the monitor sped up and his eyes widened as she glared down at him.

"You," Zachariah spluttered, his normally carrying voice hoarse and strained.

"Yes, me." Her own voice was loud and confident, not betraying in the slightest the terror that settled in her stomach whenever she looked at this man. _High heels. You are bigger, you are stronger._ She took a deep breath.

"I realize that you don't want to see me, and probably nothing Gabriel can say will convince you otherwise. And honestly, if things are always going to be the way they were the last time we saw each other, I don't really want to see you, either. So I'm just here to say goodbye.

"I'm not coming back, and this time, I mean it. Not for another heart attack, and not for your funeral. You ever change your mind about me, you give me a call. Gabe has my number. Thanks for everything."

The whole room was silent for a moment, except for the steadying beep of the machines and the sound of Zachariah's ragged breathing. Anna didn't move, part of her frozen at her own daring and part determined to wait for a response of some kind. Gabriel, behind her, seemed to be in shock. Finally, the man in the bed pulled in a deeper breath, a fire gleaming deep within his sunken eyes.

"Get out, you unrepentant ingrate. Out." A sharp intake of breath from Gabe, a simple, silent nod from Anna.

"Goodbye, then." She turned around, nodded to her brother, and strode from the room, the click-clack a little unsteady because her legs were shaking. She managed to make it out into the parking lot, into the Bug, before collapsing in the driver's seat. Laying her head on the wheel, she took deep, steadying breaths that hitched in her throat.

It was over. Somehow, in some indefinable way, it was over like it had never been over before. She wanted to drive out of town and never look back; wipe Redemption off the map of America in her memory. But she had one more stop to make first.

Ruby had a tradition for the days that came after nights of being honestly sentimental (_That is the most grossly sentimental thing you have ever said to me_): call Ellen, tell her she was taking the day off to restore the Bitch Factor (you're emotionally constipated, girl, it's not healthy, Ellen would say) and marathon gory horror movies. She was halfway through the _Saw_ series and on her third bowl of popcorn with Reese's Pieces mixed in when there was a knock on the door.

She frowned, mouth chipmunk-full of junk food, and paused the movie before answering. There, on the landing, was Anna, looking nervous and shy in a way that Ruby hadn't seen since high school. She looked as classy as ever, heels and knee-length skirt and short-sleeved blouse, hair cascading down her back. Ruby was suddenly a little embarrassed about her own appearance in a grease-stained tank top and sweatpants, her hair in a sloppy, unwashed braid. She realized suddenly that Anna had never seen her like this, not sexy and put together and instead bloated from salt and chocolate. Weird.

"Can I – can I come in?" she asked hesitantly, and Ruby nodded vigorously, finally swallowing her mouthful of food, and stepped aside. "Thanks. Ellen said you took the night off." Anna slid gracefully by her, slipping off her heels and sinking down to where she was about Ruby's height. She walked as if she still knew the place, as if she still belonged here, and settled herself in the corner of the couch without being asked. One look at the television and she turned to Ruby (still standing near the door) with raised eyebrows.

"Are you having a horror marathon because of me?" Her tone was surprised, but a bit playful, and Ruby just rolled her eyes. Anna grinned. "I feel honored."

"Yeah, yeah," Ruby mumbled as she slouched back over to the couch, plopping herself unceremoniously at Anna's side. She shoved the bowl of popcorn and candy at the other girl, pressed play, and said, "Eat."

They only barely finished the movie Ruby had been watching when Anna had so rudely interrupted, because the redhead really couldn't stand blood and gore. And while Ruby didn't really _mind_ Anna hiding her face in Ruby's shoulder at every opportunity, she figured there were probably better ways they could spend their time. She clicked off the TV and turned to Anna.

"Consider me emotionally detoxed. I'm guessing you came over for a reason other than to watch me watch horror movies? And eat all my junk food," she frowned and glared teasingly at Anna, who stared guiltily at the bowl in her lap, now empty except for a few kernels. Then she looked up at Ruby, and that nervousness was back. She bit her lip before she spoke.

"Actually, yeah. I came to tell you that I talked to Zachariah." Ruby raised her eyebrows, and Anna shrugged. "Talked _at_ him, really. And I'm done here, for real and for good. This time, when I leave, I'm leaving forever."

"And when exactly are you leaving?" That came out much harsher than Ruby wanted, almost accusatory, and Anna cringed.

"Tomorrow morning." Her voice was soft, but she held Ruby's gaze, like she was searching for something again, like when she first came into the bar last night.

"Oh." Her voice broke on the word, and she hated herself. For showing weakness, for not having anything more to say. She felt herself moving away from Anna, almost subconsciously, trying to put distance between them already. If she could do that now, maybe the thousand miles between here and New York wouldn't be so bad, if she could start here; but Anna reached out and took her hand, holding her there.

"Come with me." Ruby's breath caught in her throat.

"What?"

"I hate this place, and I want to leave so badly. My family is a fucking mess, and I just want my own life. And I love New York and school and my life there, but I've spent the last two years missing you. Once, my roommate's boyfriend was over, and he put on a Foreigner CD and I spent almost three hours sulking in my room. On one my drives upstate, I saw an old, ugly, orange car and had to turn around, because the Bug just isn't right for spontaneous midnight drives in the country.

"I want to start over, and I want you to come with me."

It all came out in a rush, Anna barely taking the time to breathe between sentences. Ruby was silent for almost a whole minute, which probably was some sort of record. She couldn't remember a time when someone had said something that struck her mute, unable to come up with a witty reply or scathing retort. Anna was starting to look panicked, but her hand didn't let go of Ruby's.

"I'd have to quit my job," she said at last. Her voice was shaky, uncertain, but Anna smiled a little bit.

"Ellen's got a whole high school full of child labor to exploit. And there's plenty of bars within a couple blocks of my apartment, so you could probably find work at one of them if you wanted."

"And Lily's here." Her voice was stronger now, almost like she was saying it just to see if Anna had a counterpoint. She did.

"But not often, you said. She's moving on from Redemption. We can, too." It was probably the 'we' that caught Ruby's attention, that began to coax the grin forming at the corners of her mouth.

"I'd have to come back sometimes. Maybe around holidays or something, to visit the people here." Anna shrugged.

"I'll drop you off at the border then go visit Cas and Dean in Lawrence. You can hitchhike the rest of the way into town." Ruby's grin broadened and she squeezed Anna's hand. Without thinking, she leaned over and pressed her lips to Anna's. Anna was surprised for half a second, then pulled Ruby closer, deepening the kiss. They broke apart, foreheads still pressed together, noses touching, grinning like fools.

"We're taking the Camero," Ruby said in a voice that brooked no argument, as if this was just another midnight drive, not a move halfway across the country. Anna just laughed.

"The Bug broke down on the way here. I had to call Bobby to come pick it up and bring it to the Yard. He gave me a ride the rest of the way over, but the Bug is officially dead, he says. May it rest in peace."

"Oh, thank God," Ruby said in exaggerated relief, and Anna swatted her shoulder playfully. "I think," Ruby said, pulling away. "I think I have some packing to do."

They spent the rest of the evening packing all of Ruby's things into a couple of suitcases and a box or two. She didn't have much, mostly books and music (she still had CDs and cassette tapes pretty much exclusively; iPods and Ruby were not compatible), clothes, and her guitar. Around eight, she went downstairs to the Roadhouse, still in her bare feet and sweatpants, to tell Ellen that, so sorry about the short notice, but she was apparently leaving town tomorrow and wasn't coming back for a while. Ellen told her off for not giving her more time to find a replacement, but then swept her up in a hug and congratulated her. When Ruby rolled her eyes and said it wasn't like she was getting married or anything, Ellen hit her with a dishrag and told her yeah, sure, those two lovebirds better get outta here, they were making her sick. Bobby Singer called her an idjit, Jo squealed and hugged her, and Ash gave her a fist bump.

At first, she didn't know how to tell Lily she was leaving, but in the end she decided to be direct, because that's how shit worked with them. So she sent her big sister a text message that read simply, "Anna came back for me. I'm moving to NYC." And Lily texted back, "Good for you grrl you can have sex on your own damn couch now." Then another: "If you take any of my stuff I will smite you." And, finally: "You better fucking visit bitch 3." Ruby assured her she would, and that she was taking all the best cassette tapes, regardless of ownership.

Around one in the morning, they fell into Ruby's bed, now bare except for a sheet borrowed from Lily's closet, completely exhausted. Too tired for anything but sleep, they curled up together, with Ruby (as always) the big spoon around Anna, who was dressed in a borrowed nightshirt.

The next morning, Anna woke up first and stole the opportunity to use Ruby's shower. By the time she got out and dressed in yesterday's clothes, Ruby was yawning herself awake. They exchanged a few sleepy kisses before Anna went out to pack Ruby's stuff into the Camero while she showered and changed. Ruby lingered a little on the staircase as she hid the key for Lily or Ellen, whoever came up first, under the loose post in the railing. After twelve years, it was weird to be leaving the apartment for good. But Anna's hand was on her shoulder and everything was going to be alright.

Anna's stuff was already in the car; she had thrown it in the back last night when she first got to the Roadhouse. Ruby raised her eyebrow at that and teased her for being overconfident, but Anna just shrugged and pointed out that Ruby was here now, wasn't she? They made one stop, at the Winchester residence, for Anna to say goodbye to Castiel. Cas smiled and gave Anna a hug, shook Ruby's hand, and wished them a safe journey. Dean managed to not be too much of a dick, and even called Ruby a bitch in a friendlier tone than usual. Somehow, a promise was made to get together for Christmas in Lawrence this year, so it wouldn't be too long before they saw each other again. And then it was time to go.

Ruby started out driving, and before she could slip in a cassette (she was on a Black Sabbath kick at the moment), Anna was fiddling with the radio dial. When she came to a song she apparently liked, Ruby groaned.

"What is this shit? Is this Lady Gaga? Do you like _pop music_ now?" Anna laughed.

"Bear with me, I like this song, okay?" Ruby sighed dramatically.

"I guess there's plenty of time to reeducate you on the meaning of good music. You _will_ be converted, if I have to die trying."

"If you say so," Anna said with a serene smile. She lay her hand on top of Ruby's where it rested between the seats.

"I do say so," Ruby insisted.

And then they were out of town, past the border (though there was no sign to inform you that you were now leaving Redemption, Nebraska, population 5,206), and gone, shouting farewells out the open windows.

"Goodbye, Redemption, and good riddance!"

"Later, losers!"

The girls' laughter was loud, the radio was blaring, and they had the whole highway before them.

_It's been a long time since I came around,_

_Been a long time, but I'm back in town,_

_And this time I'm not leaving without you._


End file.
